Post Mourning Practices

• To serve as a symbol of honour to the deceased a monument is erected at any time within a twelve month period.

• Good taste and quiet dignity are proper guidelines for selecting the monument. A short inscription without use of a picture is proper.

• The best time for grave visitations are upon the conclusion of Shiva, Shloshim, Yahrzeit and from Rosh Hodesh Ellul (30 days before Rosh Hashanah) until Yom Kippur. One should avoid visitations during holidays such as Hanukkah, Passover, Succoth, Purim, etc.

• At the cemetery, one should direct prayers to the Almighty and not to the deceased. It is contrary to the Jewish faith to consider the dead as intermediaries.

• The placing of pebbles upon the monument reminds us of the Biblical days when the monument was a heap of stones. Eating and drinking at the cemetery is in poor taste. One should better read a psalm or learn Mishnayot (part of the Talmud).

• The reciting of Yizkor Memorial Services (special memorial services held in synagogue) four times yearly, was instituted by our sages as a form of emotional release and in expression of profound respect towards the memories of our loved ones. It should be accompanied by charity as a demonstration of kindness.

• The Yahrzeit Memorial Anniversary is marked as a special day to commemorate the death of one's parents.

Observances should include:

• The lighting of a Yahrzeit candle beginning the evening prior to the Yahrzeit date;

• Going to the synagogue, reciting the Kaddish and receiving an 'aliyah' (being called up to make the blessing) at the Torah;

• Visiting the grave of the deceased; and

• Fasting, if this is your family's custom.